One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
