i need an iv and a liver transplant
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
