butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
