i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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