he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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