We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
