I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
