i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
