i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
