dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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