I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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