God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You work out of a Hotel?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
