You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
