when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
two words...techno handjob
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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