I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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