can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
