he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
