Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
