we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
