I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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