I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
