can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
