You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
