ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
