I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
