ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
it's like heaven, but drunker
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
