I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
