you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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