What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
as a side note pls kill me
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize