if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
