omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
