so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
