If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
