idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
