dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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