U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
