I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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