if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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