I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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