wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
