I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
