she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
