he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
