i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
