sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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