I bet he comes in French.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
