He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
