yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
there's paper in my vomit.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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