But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
