I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
