I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
is that a dick in a sweater?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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