Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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