searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
