Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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