I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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