Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
