Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
