Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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