We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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