Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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