It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
the day after is always just damage control
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
