I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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