Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I think I am morally bankrupt
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize