WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
