What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize