Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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