I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
