I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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