I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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