closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
