I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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